Keep Getting Better or…?

Last week I described a manager whose boss told him that he worked too hard, demanded too much, and wasn’t well liked by his subordinates. As a consequence he was denied a promotion and a salary increase. He got three pieces of feedback and two outcomes. He was at a loss to see how they connected.

When he didn’t get a promotion he knew he didn’t have a future with the company. When he didn’t get an increase he knew he wasn’t going to be rewarded for his hard work. When he didn’t get feedback that could help him improve, he didn’t know what to do.

He was frustrated and wanted to know if there were others out there who shared his confusion.

Two individuals immediately came to mind. I’ve changed their names so you wouldn’t confuse their identities with their stories:

Georgia was known as a Holy Terror. Holy, because she could be warm, giving, helping, caring, and considerate. Terror, because that’s what she struck in the hearts of others when they didn’t do what she wanted. She was hard to predict and harder to tolerate.

Her boss’s feedback was to get a grip or get the boot. Georgia liked her job, her company, and the people she worked with. It was time to unpack and confront demons. She needed to know what they were.

She asked her boss what he valued most in her work; what were her strengths and what were her weaknesses? She didn’t make excuses. She didn’t defend her actions. She listened. She got more than a few surprises.

For example: she thought her organizational skills were her greatest strengths. Her boss said that she took them too far and “strangled people with them”.  She thought her relationship skills were her weakest points yet her boss said employees saw value and enjoyment in her ability to coordinate, facilitate, and develop others. In fact, he said, people wanted to like her. She just wouldn’t let them.

Buoyed by her boss’s comments and relieved that she wasn’t a lost cause, she asked her peers for feedback and she got it. They described her as impatient, sarcastic, even abusive, when people didn‘t  immediately do as she said they ought. They saw themselves as intelligent, reasoning adults and were insulted by what they called her “arrogant, bullying style”.

The lights were coming on over Georgia.

When she asked her subordinates for feedback she was ready for the worst and that’s what she got. It wasn’t what they said, it was what she saw reflected in their eyes: fear, anger, and distrust.  The few who dared speak confirmed what she had already heard and more.

She knew what to work on and what to leave alone. It was a beginning. That’s all she needed to get started.

 Dan retired from the military while still in his prime and looked forward to a second career in industry. He was an immediate success, quickly promoted to positions of increasing authority and responsibility. He didn’t know it then but his Achilles heel was about to act up.             

Dan liked to report to people who had power and influence and he

did it with calm confidence and  absolute deference. He agreed when he knew he ought and disagreed by swallowing hard. He unloaded his pent up tension and resentment on those least able to defend against it, or so he thought.

Your boss doesn’t fire you, your employees do.

His subordinates, realizing they couldn’t overwhelm him, went around him. They went to Dan’s boss and reported his abusive behavior. Within 30 days, Dan was given notice and asked to leave. He was told his position was eliminated. That was the extent of his feedback.

Dan was too young to retire, too smart to keep making the same mistakes, and too old to start over. He vowed to learn from experience and he needed help doing it. He asked for and listened to feedback from friends, family and former colleagues who were willing to help.

He got a career coach, attended leadership conferences, took business management classes, studied, read, attended lectures, and asked questions, lots of questions, to learn how it’s done right, and why it’s the right thing to do.

He’s become a good manager who works every day on getting better.