If you look back over the last several months, certain behavioral issues have already surfaced as leading contenders for top problems. What impact are they currently having on your business and what can you do to course correct before year-end?

Visionaries are given a mandate to create a concept that moves the company ahead of the competition. Impulsive visionaries, exploding with new ideas, are having a whale of  a problem motivating their troops to follow along.

What’s the problem? Either the troops don’t have a clue what these folks are talking about,  or they understand the message; it  just keeps changing before they have time to implement  it.

What’s the outcome? All beginnings and no endings result in wasted time, energy, and money. The implementers appear more concerned about this than the visionaries seem to be.

The Solution: Maximize vision and manage impulse. Emphasize discipline and demonstrate follow though. Simplify the complex. Be available to ask and answer questions, patiently, pragmatically, and considerately.

With changes occurring as rapidly as they have, companies are hard pressed to maintain their competitive edge. To amp potential, many are going outside their current talent pool to hire the most creative minds they can find.  These innovative sorts are authorized  to drive change projects to completion as quickly as possible.

What’s the problem? Assuming that driving change and leading change are the same.

What’s the outcome? The disparity between innovative wizards and their ever frustrated direct reports appears to be widening. Mixed messages and culture clashes are resulting  in an us vs. them attitude.

The Solution: Leading a change process always takes longer than you want or expect. Slow it down, intentionally. Give people time to let go of the past. Describe the goal, identify the objectives, and go for the buy-in. Take time up front and you’ll pick up time down the line.

Service and loyalty are slipping. Employees appear more flip and fickle than ever before. Their “what have you done for me lately” attitude mirrors their consumer behavior: nothing seems to be good enough, long enough. Impersonal merchandising machines have replaced personal retail shopping. Who needs courtesy if there’s no one to say “please” and “thank you” to when you shop on the net.

Bottom line: Employees are asked to do more, work harder and stay longer to get last year’s paycheck.

Problem: It’s hard to dance on a dime, carry more than your load, and work overtime all the time without recognition, affirmation, and life balance.

Outcome: Employees and customers will take their work effort and purchase power somewhere else.

The Solution: Address the issue now. There has to be “something in it for me” to stay in the game. Focus on the employee as you would your customer, and focus on your customer the way your parents say it used to be. Take stock of what needs improvement and what needs repair and plan accordingly, or you may be repeating what you never fixed, in 2010.

* * * *

Yes! You may use this article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts conducted seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

It’s a crazy world out there.

Weird weather, uncertain employment, foreclosures, freak accidents.

It’s as if we’re all leaning forward, tensed in advance of whatever might hit us next, in a collective anxious anticipation.

I don’t know about you, but I find it utterly exhausting.  Like living under seige.

Right now there’s a lot of urgency and drama in the world – unemployment is stubbornly up: “I could lose my job”. Foreclosures surge: “I could lose my house.” Stock market is off: “My retirement savings are half what they used to be.” Employers pass surging health care costs to employees: “I am one major illness away from disaster.”

We’re so in the moment with all the bad news that we cannot even begin to think about anything else. We dwell, we ruminate, we get stuck in all the negative. It feels crappy.

But there’s a cure, an antidote. A way to start feeling better, regardless of the uncertainty.

Here’s what you do: have a vision. An idea of the big picture. A sense of how you’re contributing to some greater purpose and mission.

Now, I’ve written about this before – What’s The Point? – and suggested that it’s important to never confuse urgency and drama with meaning and purpose. We’ve got too much of the former right now, when what we really need is more of the latter.

Recently, the Washington Post had an interesting item on leadership. Written by Sally Blount, Dean of the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University, it talks about how to create worker satisfaction. Blount says: “…people in organizations are hungry for meaning, for understanding of how what they do each day contributes to a greater purpose, a greater mission.”

Excellent point. And equally applicable to individuals. Meaning: you.

Examine how what you do every day contributes to a greater purpose, a greater mission. By doing what you do each day, are you supporting your spouse, your children, your parents, an ill sibling? In the course of your day, whose lives are you making better? How does what you do make a difference?

And if it doesn’t… or if you feel like it doesn’t…

Start making a contribution.

Volunteer somewhere that matters. That’s a great thing. But you may not feel like you have the time. OK, then. Be a courteous driver. Open doors for people. Be nice to the kid riding his bike in your driveway. Mow your lawn. Make repairs where you live. Take charge of stuff rather than letting stuff take charge of you.

Dare to care about something.

Sally Blount suggests that organizations “provide a sense of purpose, a narrative for what that organization stands for and how it contributes to making the world a better place.”

Look at your own big picture, then. And craft your own narrative about who you are and what you stand for.

And hold fast to that amidst all of the hullabaloo and uncertainty.

***

Michele Woodward (www.lifeframeworks.com) is a Master Certified Coach, author, speaker and teacher, who helps people get clear about who they are and what they want to do – and develop a workable action plan to get where they want to go. She is the author of Lose Weight, Find Love, De-Clutter & Save Money: Essays on Happier Living, available at Amazon.com and is the founder of Career Invention Coach Training (www.careerinvention.com) – focused on training coaches to understand the new rules of work –  and Kick Ass Mentoring (www.kickassmentoring.com) – a marketing training program for coaches. She’s thrived in a number of high-level, high-pressure positions – at The White House, in corporate America – and has served as an advisor to entrepreneurs.  Michele is a sought-after speaker, leads a number of workshops and classes, teaches in Martha Beck’s well regarded coach training program, and writes a popular blog.

No beach is warm enough, no pool deep enough, no book long enough to keep you from the next call, the next report, the next conquest.

No companion is fun enough, no escapade strange enough, no catacomb deep enough, to keep you from the next deal and the next plane that gets you to where the heat is hot enough, the mountain high enough, the trial tribulation enough, to make it worth the time that it takes to get there.

Warning to Vacationers at Work

No challenge is great enough, no boss loud enough, no report timely enough, to look up, look out, and get it done, for any reason greater than your colleagues are depending on it.

No boss is strong enough, no rhyme reason enough, no siren shrill enough to polish it off, finish it up, and put it away, for any reason greater than your customers are waiting for it.

Warning to Teams without Players

No goal is clear enough, no value grand enough, no cause worthy enough to get together, pull together, and get it done together, for any reason greater than that’s the way this game is played.

No reason is valid enough, no need compelling enough, no cause desiring enough, to get it done, outside the isolation and comfort of your mind,  for any reason greater than they need you to be there.

Warning to Players without Teams

No group is large enough, no talk complete enough, no break long enough to get you back to work, getting it done, for any reason greater than you’re bothering folks.

No quiet is safe enough, no space sane enough, no reflection revered enough, to keep you from using your cascade of words, just because they are there to be spoken.

Warning to Visionaries without Plans

No scape is grand enough, no leap long enough, no star far enough to keep you from unleashing your insight on those least capable of hitching it all to a wagon, and driving to get it all there.

No path is clear enough, no strategy sharp enough, no objection judicious enough to keep you from derailing the good that you started with your dreams.

Warning to Doers without Vision

There is no time good enough, no turn safe enough, no prediction right enough to leave behind your need to be absolutely sure before the journey is begun.

There is no path straight enough, no rule right enough, no detail plain enough to abandon your need to know from getting in your way.

Warning to Leaders without  Followers

There is no command strong enough, no control tight enough, no rigor right enough to satisfy your need to be all, have all, regardless that no one follows your lead.

There is no language tough enough, no mandate sure enough, no distance far enough from the people you drive to the place they don’t want to go.

Warning to Followers without Leaders

There is no map clear enough, no need great enough,  no strength strong enough,  to bridge the distance from where you are to where you need to go.

Warning to Leaders without Passion

There is no analysis sound enough, no logic clear enough, no goal defined enough, to merit the movement of people who care, by those who aren’t able to express why they should.

* * * *

Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

Turning our learning lens on this subject of satisfaction, we noted the perspectives of three authors who have addressed the issue in different ways:

Factors of Job Dissatisfaction - Patrick Lencioni, author of nine best-selling books including, Death by Meeting and The Five Dysfunctions of a Team has also written the Three Signs of a Miserable Job. Lencioni says that there are three underlying factors that lead to job dissatisfaction: anonymity, irrelevance, and immeasurement (I think that last one is a made up word, but we get the point). These factors all stem from the employee’s relationship with his or her direct manager. Even if you are well paid, have great benefits, a balanced work and personal life, and work you find fulfilling, you will be miserable if you cannot get what you need from your manager. The three factors are:

• Anonymity - the sense that your manager has no interest in your life, your aspirations and your interests
• Irrelevance – when you don’t see your job making a difference in the lives of others including how your job fits into the work of your group or organization
• Immeasurement – when you don’t see a way to assess your contribution and your manager is not providing any gauge for your success

What Motivates – In Drive: The Surprising Truth about What Motivates Us, author Daniel Pink offers a similar three-part framework for achieving greater satisfaction:

• Autonomy – the desire to direct our own lives
• Mastery – the urge to get better and better at something that matters
• Purpose - the desire to do what we do in the service of something larger than ourselves

Pink’s point, which he backs up with an almost overwhelming number of studies, is that the assumption of a carrot and stick mentality as a means of motivating is a false one. Dan Pink suggests that satisfaction is best gained through intrinsic motivations.

A Focus on Behaviors – Marshall Goldsmith, a well-known leadership coach and author has another take on satisfaction in two of his books, What Got You Here, Won’t Get You There and MOJO: How to Get It, How to Keep It, How to Get It Back If You Lose It. Goldsmith sees that changes in the world and changes in your organizational role can present challenges you haven’t encountered in the past. The approaches that gave you satisfaction and success in the past may not be helping you in the present. Goldsmith focuses on changing your behaviors, not skills or knowledge and suggests several simple steps:

• gather feedback from appropriate colleagues and cohorts
• determine which behaviors to change so that you can get back to satisfying work
• apologize if you need to do so
• tell others what you are working on
• listen
• thank people for helping
• practice and follow up

This post was recently published on LearnPhilanthropy.net. We appreciate being able to re-print.

Back in the ’80s, a synth-pop-spiky-hair kinda band released a song called “Obsession”. Watch the video – it’s a hoot. The refrain went like this:

You are an obsession, you’re my obsession
Who do you want me to be to make you sleep with me?

Sometimes I blurt out this lyric when working with clients about their career – hey, it makes sense in the moment! – and ask them, “Who are you trying to be so you’ll be accepted? How are you contorting yourself to get approval?”

Believe it or not, this is often a very fruitful discussion.

Because so many people are obsessed with their jobs, and will do anything – anything! – to stay in them. Especially, (I am going to use the dreaded phrase) “in this economy”.

But obsession is obsession and implies a certain single-minded focus which is not always healthy. Kinda stalker-ish, if you want to know the truth. And when you’re obsessed, your judgment might not be clear. You might make compromising decisions.

You might put your integrity on the shelf in pursuit of your preoccupation.

You might forget who you are as you bend yourself to someone else’s desires.

You lose yourself.

“Michele, it’s hard to get a job out there,” you say. And I know it is. But one of the central tenets of a real career strategy is to be yourself.

Hard as that may be.

And if you attract a job while not being yourself, it’s probably not going to be that satisfying. Like a meaningless hook-up at an ’80s dance club.

Know your strengths. Understand your values. Serve your priorities. Say “yes” when you mean “yes”, and “no” when you mean “no.” Honor your integrity.

And when you do, you will take the right job, and keep the right job.

You will excel. On your terms.

Which is the best possible outcome of a career strategy.

***

Michele Woodward (www.lifeframeworks.com) is a Master Certified Coach, author, speaker and teacher, who helps people get clear about who they are and what they want to do – and develop a workable action plan to get where they want to go. She is the author of Lose Weight, Find Love, De-Clutter & Save Money: Essays on Happier Living, available at Amazon.com and is the founder of Career Invention Coach Training (www.careerinvention.com) – focused on training coaches to understand the new rules of work –  and Kick Ass Mentoring (www.kickassmentoring.com) – a marketing training program for coaches. She’s thrived in a number of high-level, high-pressure positions – at The White House, in corporate America – and has served as an advisor to entrepreneurs.  Michele is a sought-after speaker, leads a number of workshops and classes, teaches in Martha Beck’s well regarded coach training program, and writes a popular blog.

I heartily agree.

In fact, here’s one boss’s secret copy of Here’s What I Didn’t Tell You Because I Thought You Knew.

• This place is called “Work”
• Get to work earlier than on time (and that’s based on my watch, not yours).
• Get to work earlier than on time every day (based on my calendar, not yours.)
• Get to work prepared to do our work (which doesn’t include doing your personal bookkeeping; shopping; and arranging of your social calendar).
• Make and receive personal telephone calls at a place not called “Work”.
• If you’re the first one out the door at the end of the day, you’re leaving here too early. If  you’re the second one out the door, you’re still leaving too early. If you keep it up, don’t let the door hit you on your way out.
• Wear clean, closely woven, free of slogan clothing not so baggy as to hide large animals nor so brief as to reveal more than any of us need to know about you.
• Do the job I hired you to do.
• Leave people alone to do the jobs I hired them to do.
• If you take something, put it back (here, not where you live).
• If you ask for something, say please.
• If you are lucky enough to get it, say thank you.
• If you make a mess, clean it up.
• If you make a mistake, take care of it.
• I’ll give you a raise if you follow through, follow the rules, follow me and you’ll get it  when I say so.
• I’ll give you a promotion  if  you do everything on this list,  get along with everybody especially me and you’ll get it  when I say so.

This couldn’t be your boss? Well, check out another boss’s misplaced version of Here’s What I Didn’t Tell You Because I Thought You Knew.

• I don’t care what time you get here or what time you leave, just get the job done, on time and accurately.
• The job has more to it than I told you, because I forgot to tell you at the time.  So watch out, I’m going to critique you for what you didn’t do because I didn’t tell you. And, don’t go there. I’m not going to change.
• Anticipate. That’s what I want from you. Think ahead. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong unless you have a plan to make it right.
• Come to me with solutions. I’m not paying you for problems. I get them for free.
• I’m not going to say you’re doing a good job. I expect you to do a good job.
• I’ll tell you when you’re doing a bad job. I’ll only tell you once. So listen.
• Don’t ask me for pay increases or promotions. You’ll just put me in a bad mood. I’ll give you what I think you deserve. Just get the job done.
• I am moody. It doesn’t (usually) have anything to do with you. Don’t worry about it. I worry enough for both of us.

I haven’t tagged your boss yet? Well, I rummaged around and guess what I found. Yet another undisclosed version of Here’s What I Didn’t Tell You Because I Thought You Knew.

• Play nice.
• If you have a problem with someone, talk to them about it. I don’t want to know.
• If you have a problem with me, talk to someone else about it. I don’t want to know.
• You may have guessed by now, I don’t like problems.
• So, please, play nice.

The bottom line is this: There are as many expectations of employees as there are different managing and leadership styles. You don’t get to choose. You work with what you get. If you are equal parts observant, clairvoyant, savvy and responsive to the culture where you work and have as much substance as you have style, you’re going to make it.

* * * *

Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com.

Frustrated folks are stuck at the crossroads of  Many Possibilities. They’re torn between their parent’s dreams and their own fantasies.The strongest sentiment they express is, “what if I choose the wrong path? I don’t want to commit myself to the wrong future.” With that fear firmly in place, they remain stuck. They prefer the angst of indecision to the requisite of choice. What they are missing is a realization that reasonable people, with benefit of new information and time, can choose again.

There are many people who inherently know which pathway to follow. They wait for permission to follow it.

Others know what they do well but worry they’re missing out on something better. They want someone to identify possibilities they may have overlooked.

Many like the safety of  “one road, one ticket “. They know what they have to do and do it, not because they love their work but that it’s work they can do. They know what to expect, their income is stable and their future secure. They manage themselves and their lives with constancy and steadfastness.  They are not prepared, emotionally or intellectually, for unexpected change.When that change comes in the form of a pink slip they become immobilized. Layoff, or termination without fault, defies their belief that good, hardworking people should be valued and retained. They don’t know what to do or where to turn.

And so they sit; the frustrated, the permission seeking, the worried, and the shell shocked, waiting for strobe lights to illuminate the path and point the way to the place they need to be. It doesn’t happen that way.

If you’re parked on a bench next to them and you’re interested in techniques that get you going, grab a pencil and a pad, you’ve got some work to do:

Start by taking inventory

What do you do well, naturally? What do you currently enjoy or have enjoyed as a hobby or pastime?  Do you prefer working alone or with others? If with others, how many others are involved?

If others are involved, what part do they play; what part do you play? If you prefer independence, what’s your preferred project or task?

What’s important or meaningful to you? What do you value in others? Describe the best boss or coach you’ve had; describe the best places you’ve worked. If you don’t have any positive memories, dig deeper. Who was your favorite teacher? Your favorite relative. Why?

When are you at your best? Are you more effective working hands-on, managing the practicality of day to day concerns in a workplace that has structure, order, and organization? Are you better at working with possibilities, creating outcomes not earlier considered?

Do you like to work from a checklist, with the expectations clear and the deadlines observed, or are you better off without boundaries, rules or regulations, figuring things out as you go?

Weave together your preferences.

I’m an independent, hands-on, pragmatic problem solver, preferring to work with tasks than people. I enjoy variety, flexibility, and mobility. I’m at my best when I can streamline processes, expedite outcomes, come in under budget and ahead of schedule.

Or possibly: I’m a team leader and a team player. I like to know what the goals are, and the payoffs that come from making them. I enjoy strategy more than details and design more than implementation. I’m able to understand what motivates and encourages people by listening to them. I put what I learn into practice by treating the people who work with me as I would my best customers.

Your strength profile becomes the foundation of your resume, your cover letters, your networking, and your interviews. It remains constant, no matter the company, the client, the product or the process.

Now get out there and start meeting people who enjoy the same things you do. Brainstorm job possibilities or directions that make sense. Follow up on ideas, call people you know and people you’re introduced to. Let them know who you are by describing what you do best and why you want to do it.

* * * *

Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com

Were they told in advance and did they have sufficient time and support to turn themselves around?

The employees’ case: They received significant promotions and salary increases that indicated they were recognized as high performers. Three of the four employees did not receive formal reviews. One employee had infrequent written reviews with evaluation ratings of “outstanding” and  “superior”.

All four were told, informally, that they were aggressive and hard to work with. The one individual who received written evaluations said that there was commentary that referred to her “aggressive style” and need to “tone it down”. None perceived the comments as warnings but merely as descriptions of how others felt about their behavior.

The employers’ case: The four employees were considered “essential to the ongoing profitability” of their respective companies. Each of the employees under discussion had bosses who had “flown cover” for them, over the sometimes strenuous objections of peers, and in two cases, vendors. Three of the four had experienced turnover in their departments, which, although high, was positioned as proportionate to the industry. There was general agreement that although the individuals described were reminded of their “developmental needs” they were not warned that changes were immediately warranted and that consequences for not responding would result in termination.

In all four cases, the Human Resources representatives accepted responsibility for not having been more clear and resolute in follow up, while saying that without having a clear directive from the top, they felt powerless to move to a “warning” or “disciplinary action” that would have resulted in termination.

If you are in a position to lead or manage others, here are some ways to do it better:

As much as think you communicate, communicate more. As many questions as you ask, ask more. If you think people are confused, they are.

If you know you’re avoiding what needs attending, attend to it. Then get back to basics:

Define the culture of your company. What do you stand for, believe in, care about, value most? Commit to it. Communicate it. Get the word out in every way possible. Tell your clients, customers, vendors, and above all, your employees. Live it and live up to it, from the top down.

Define the mission of your company. For what purpose does your company exist? What sets you apart? Why do customers/clients select your product, process or service over your competitor’s? What are your strategies for communicating a value-added difference to those who impact your success?

Target the competition that exists outside your company, not within it. Who are they? Where are they? What do you need to do better than they? How will you do it? What’s your winning strategy and how will you coalesce your team behind it?

Get to know the employees who work for you. The more you understand their work style, strengths, and skill sets, the better you can match them to positions that enable them to succeed. Learn what employees need to be successful. Provide them training and resources that make it happen.

Set  clear expectations and desired outcomes and describe what both should look like. Motivate employees by focusing on their individual strengths and achievements. Stay focused on the right fit. Give them the education and development they need to achieve.

Provide on-going and timely feedback that is both formal and informal. Institute multi-rater feedback loops within your company that enable peers, direct reports, and supervisor/managers to share constructive insights about each other.  Identify what isn’t working and why, not to place blame but to find the cause. Separate the person from the problem. Fix the problem.

To ignore bad behavior is to condone it. To condone it is to tolerate it. If you tolerate it, it will continue. If it continues, the negative results are predictable.

Ignorance isn’t an answer, it’s an excuse. Bosses who know their job and their employees, know what to address, with whom, and when. The challenge is in the space between knowing and doing. Are you up to the challenge?

* * * *

Yes! You may use this article by Executive and Career Coach, Joyce Richman, in your blog, article in your blog, newsletter or website as long as you include the following bio box:

Joyce Richman (www.richmanresources.com) has been specializing in executive and career coaching since she started her own practice in 1982. She works in a variety of environments including: higher education, manufacturing, sales, marketing, media, technology, pharmaceuticals, medicine, banking and finance, service, IT, and non-profit sectors. A member of the adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership, Joyce is certified to administer a number of feedback and psychological instruments. Joyce is a weekly guest on WFMY-TV and the career columnist for The Greensboro News & Record. She is the author of Roads, Routes and Ruts: A Guidebook to Career Success and co-author of Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job. A popular speaker, Richman conducts seminars and workshops throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Her coaching profile can be found at TheCoachingAssociation.com

You don’t know what to do.

Oh, you’ve got plenty of ideas about what you could do.  About what’s possible.  About your dreams.

Or maybe you’re really, really busy – pursuing a hundred leads at once and reeling from all the potential paths available to you.

But somehow nothing’s really happening.  Nothing’s clicking.

And you’re either starting to panic, or, conversely, starting to think that being where you are isn’t really so bad.  You can hang in there until things start to change.  Whenever that might be.  Someday.

Who finds this familiar?  And just a teensy bit scary?

So, let’s talk about it.  Let’s figure out why you consistently step away from making your ideas into something real, shall we?

It’s easy to be drunk with love about what’s possible.  “I take this job, and I can make a million dollars and become CEO one day.”  Or, “If I become a joint venture partner with this famous person, my life will be easy and I’ll become famous, too.”  And, “It’s not really that bad – I bet I can make it better.”  And we are so in love with this vision that we fail to see that the CEO is only 32 years old and not going anywhere any time soon, or that the famous person has staff that deal with “joint venture partners” (and there are hundreds of joint venture partners), or that the thing is not bad – it’s horrific – and is so toxic that hazmat is required.

The best dating advice I ever received was, “Never fall in love with potential”.  Had I ever followed it, I would have been saved plenty of heartache. But, after being bashed about the head and shoulders several times, I finally learned the lesson.

Today, when offered a possibility, I put potential aside and look at what’s at hand with a clear eye.   Does it fit with my strengths?  My values? My goals?  Notice I’m not asking, “Could it possibly, with a lot of work, pixie dust and spit, maybe fit?”  It either fits or it doesn’t.  And if it fits, that’s when I look at potential.  Does this opportunity allow for growth?  Is it fun?  Is it worth my time?

Isn’t it nice to have a dream?  Feels so dreamy, and love-ly.  We can visit our dreamy dream whenever we want, like some personalized amusement park, and lose ourselves in all the possibility.  And we love the idea of the dream, and fondle the dream, and protect it.  But we never make one step toward realizing the dream in our lives.  The singer never takes voice lessons, the writer never types, the entrepreneur never starts a business.

Why?

Because the dream is perfect, and real life is seldom so.

If you’re a dream-fondler but rather restless, here’s an exercise:  write down a full description of your dream.  All of it.  Even the minutiae. Then go back through and pick two things – just two teensy things – you can easily do to move ever-so-slightly toward making the dream real.  See how that feels, try a couple more, and if you hit resistance, it may be because:

Let’s say your dream is to be a writer, and the teensy thing you choose is to start writing.  And maybe you even begin to call yourself a writer.  That might feel like a change. A re-definition.  A big switch.  People might laugh.  You might not fit in with your friends – they don’t even read books – or your family – who values brawn over brain.

Or maybe you grew up in a family that prides itself on academic and intellectual pursuits.  You go to a competitive high school, and all your friends are shooting for the Ivy League.  You go to a top school, and a prestigious graduate program.  All is as it should be.  But you’re not happy.  All you ever do is dream of starting your own landscaping business.

But if you become a landscaper, what will people think?  What will you have in common with your Ivy League friends?  With your siblings?  With your parents?

The fear of loss keeps you in a job you don’t like, being measured by a yardstick that’s not even relevant to your dream.  If you have a strong pull toward belonging and connection, you might hold on to the group’s yardstick because making your own is so scary. And the group might say it’s wrong.

Understandable.  Hard to shake.

But so worth it when you do. Remember: the people who love you will love you whether you’re a physicist or a landscaper.  Whether you’re a Regional Sales Manager or a writer.  More importantly, you will like you when you’re living your dream.

The failure to execute is the Big Kahuna of stuck.  Making your dreams come alive, though, is the Big Enchilada of happiness.  Go ahead. Start now.

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Michele Woodward (www.lifeframeworks.com) is a Master Certified Coach, author, speaker and teacher, who helps people get clear about who they are and what they want to do – and develop a workable action plan to get where they want to go. She is the author of Lose Weight, Find Love, De-Clutter & Save Money: Essays on Happier Living, available at Amazon.com and is the founder of Career Invention Coach Training (www.careerinvention.com) – focused on training coaches to understand the new rules of work –  and Kick Ass Mentoring (www.kickassmentoring.com) – a marketing training program for coaches. She’s thrived in a number of high-level, high-pressure positions – at The White House, in corporate America – and has served as an advisor to entrepreneurs.  Michele is a sought-after speaker, leads a number of workshops and classes, teaches in Martha Beck’s well regarded coach training program, and writes a popular blog.